“Barefoot potential”
There October 25, 2008
is this girl. Who goes to another school near me. She is adorable and we spent an hour at the langdon street cafe on Wednesday while she was supposed to be hanging out with a friend of ours, getting fucked up. We don’t seem to have a lot in common but when i wrote her my concerns about this she said that she took no offence to my worries (something ELSE i was worried about…) and that she’d ” rather you tell me something like that that is important to you rather than holding it in.”
NICE to hear. And this makes me realize that in my last relationship, i was not told very often how nice it was to see me, or if she enjoyed the time we had spent together in the first place. So even though im not sure if anything will happen yet with this new girl, it does have a different feel to it so far.
That’s the news in the love department for me.
On the friendship side of things, I’m just hanging in sweats at my best friends house for today. Later tonight she has a gig at a nearby restaurant and I’m doing the door for her there (collecting moneysss from people when they come through said door). Then tomorrow we’re recording some stuff with John. Should be a low action weekend as weekends go….but a fairly nice one… Next weekend though, wow…Halloween (QUE HUUUUUGE ARGUMENT WITH MY MOTHER). Then a gig in far off all by myself. i did invite someone to do this with me but since they turned down the rehearsal time/date i suggested, i figure they’re not up for it. Sunday I have off though which is awesome.
this morning October 12, 2008
i had a dream about pink glitter covered bananas. Pretty badass if i do say so myself…then i woke up, fell back asleep and 20 minuets later the terror of my life, my dear, dear mother, comes in and wakes me up.
October 9, 2008
There was a thing i had with DEER. started feb 16th and went till may 12ish i think. Then off and on all summer. She cheated on me and didnt think we had a relationship. whatever. We still made out a lot. My parents freaked out and grounded me when they found weed from her. I didnt see her for a while. Then started school and we started seeing a little more of eachother. we just fit well. like, we knew each others bodies well but not personalities.
About 3 weeks ago i asked her outright if she liked me or not. and she responded, “No.” and i knew, in my heart, she didnt like me.
So i tried to let her go. And i started realizing, it was really really hard. I cared about her A LOT. and she really only cares about getting high and getting drunk. that, everyday, is her one goal. really depressing if you have codependent tendencies (me).
anyway, saw her in town a lot today. and i just CRAVE her. finally at the end of the day, i was sitting on the bench on state st. and she just comes up to me and tries to kiss me. and i turned away. I said “no. You dont LIKE me, remember?” and she walked away. see, I tore my own belly apart. because it’s not fucking good for me. i love her, she doesnt love me. and in my brain, i know i need, deserve, someone better. But no one has come along and i feel like shit. and very confused. and of course, like always, i miss her. I want her.
About 3 weeks ago i asked her outright if she liked me or not. and she responded, “No.” and i knew, in my heart, she didnt like me.
So i tried to let her go. And i started realizing, it was really really hard. I cared about her A LOT. and she really only cares about getting high and getting drunk. that, everyday, is her one goal. really depressing if you have codependent tendencies (me).
anyway, saw her in town a lot today. and i just CRAVE her. finally at the end of the day, i was sitting on the bench on state st. and she just comes up to me and tries to kiss me. and i turned away. I said “no. You dont LIKE me, remember?” and she walked away. see, I tore my own belly apart. because it’s not fucking good for me. i love her, she doesnt love me. and in my brain, i know i need, deserve, someone better. But no one has come along and i feel like shit. and very confused. and of course, like always, i miss her. I want her.
photos of art. MY art. October 9, 2008
Some new art that happens to be hanging on my wall.
thoughts??
today October 8, 2008
Thought I had a lesson with my good pal john. John…to sum him up, i shall use the wordagez-SLOW, TALKATIVE, FAT, OLD, ANNOYING, GOOD MUSICIAN, MISSING TEETH. He’s a pretty cool guy when it comes down to it but he has a few strikes against him. (see above^^^) no pun intended. He has a small recording studio, is married to my sweet, sweet, motherly teacher of almost 11 years and does support my music. A while ago, my teacher (his wife) thought it might be cool for me to make a CD. AWESOME right?! Yes and no. Let’s just say it’s been nothing but trouble. He can be VERY unprofessional at times. Not really doing the work i would expect a producer to do. Anyway, I thought I had a lesson with him today to talk about our next recording session on the 26th (which should be an awesome one just btw) at 1:30. Apparently, NOT till 2:30 though. Which created an issue. I had to LEAVE town at 2:30 with some friends to show them where I live so they could do some work for my mom (this involved shoveling horse shit…which they did QUITE well…). Now im bored. Let’s talk about how cute my new hair is. I accidentally got myself red hair. used an oppsie color remover on my dyed black hair and got me some redish brown hair! I was going to dye blonde over it but…hey might as well work this for a while. I HAVE A CRUSH ON 10 MILLION PEOPLE. MOSTLY GIRLS BUT A COUPLE GUYS. Bob dylan is included. And yet no girl on girl action (say this in with a french accent. Is funny stuffs) for meees. Got a kiss from my bff anna today but that was just friendliness. GOOD LORD IS THAT HOW U SPELL THAT!? looks totally wrong. friendliness. hmm…. 2 sum it up, im sick of being single. Or perhaps just sick of getting no ass. Or as it were, titty. my spell checker says “tatty? Nitty?” Guess there’s no winning spell checkers approval (lack of red line) when it comes to vulgarity as such. Got a spanish quiz AND test (TESTIESSSS TESTIES) to make up tomorrow plus a really bad speech to give for the everlovely, mr.tillitson (mr. tittyson?) So nuhnight!
